Thanks be to God for 2018. There were certainly times of Immense pressure on many fronts, even as there were times of great Joy and progress. Those rough times were rough and whilst i’d like to say that i took it all in my stride, that wouldn’t be accurate because 1 or 2 times i began to crack..

Peak point of it perhaps came a few months ago when it seemed like i was at breaking point. I felt overburdened and seriously pressed in on every side and so i felt i needed time to separate myself to unburden to the LORD and seek his face….as you do.

Alas, though i set the fast to come specially before the Lord, i wasnt actually prepared to meet Him.

On the first day of the fast my early morning prayer alarm rang on time, and as soon as I stretched forth my hand to snooze it for a moment, I felt the strong presence of the Lord by my side next to the couch even as I heard his voice clearly and strongly call my name and begin to speak to me. I had not even risen to pray and there He was already waiting for me..!!! (He is often closer to us than we realise)

He began the chat, Yet He didn’t delve into issues weighing on my heart as I might have expected, in fact quite the opposite: He started stating some of His plans and assignments He has kept ahead of me and certain steps He wanted me to prepare for. Things that lay ahead (though i had no sense of the timeframe).

But rather than be still and bask in His presence, my unburdened heart got the better of me as ‘feelings’ began to well up in me. Here i am trying to lay it all down for you Lord (as though He didn’t already know) and here you are taking the conversation in an entirely opposite direction.!!

It was almost as though He didn’t regard my current state of mind, as though He didn’t think anything of it (much like the disciples did when they cried out to Him “carest not thou that we perish?)”.

All of a sudden I didn’t know when I impatiently interrupted Him:-

“Lord…..hold on a moment, this isn’t the reason I set this fast, there are pressing matters on my heart that I want to bring before you”

…He then responded in a gentle and soft manner:

“…have you not read it in my word that before you call, I will answer, Isa 65:24..for I know what you need even before you ask” Matt 6:8…

Still i wasn’t satisfied, i responded with:

“But Lord your word also says ‘ask and it shall be given to you’..perhaps I’ve come to this point precisely because I haven’t asked hitherto, Lord I have to ask”…..

In the corner of my eye He leaned back where He sat & said to me “Go ahead and ask then”…

Quiet silence for a moment, and next in my utter foolishness, driven by emotional burden, I got on my knees and began praying, yet, i had this deep sense (like we do sometimes) that my prayer wasn’t rising above the ceiling; yet for 5 minutes I persisted strongly…thinking..just maybe if i pressed more!! Heaven will open!

Then suddenly (Christ still being to the left side of my kneeling position), I heard a soft gentle inner voice which seemed to come at me from the right (the voice of the Holy Spirit) with one of the simplest and most pointed questions anyone has ever asked “Who are you praying to?”

In that split moment understanding flooded my mind. How could I be sending prayers upwards when the very person I was targeting my concerns to was sitting right across the room from me??

Brethren, its easy to criticise saints like Zacharias husband of Elisabeth, or Gideon in the threshing floor, or Jeremiah in the prison cell. Yet there are times when Heaven visits without notice and guess what you’re woefully unprepared!!

Perhaps your far better than i am, in which case i applaud you. But in this particular case i was not like Mary who said ‘speak Lord your servant is listening’

I have had other visitations before this and a wonderful one some months after this but its important we share our goofs not just our successes. Perhaps others may learn from our experience.

A few quick takeaways from this:-

1) When the Lord visits Shut Up & let Him do the primary talking. You’ll be wiser for it!!

Now i hunger to know just more details of what He was trying to tell me that day, but I’m still clueless..and what i wouldn’t give to know today before 2019 starts. It was my temporary loss.

2) When we focus on the storms, we sink!

Somehow i had taken my eyes off Christ along the way and been more focussed on the storms raging about me than on Him who walks on water.

3) Stillness of Heart & Mind is a crucial element in Knowing (present continuous) that He is God!!!

Anxiety, Worry and Fear can be such powerful giants in our lives that if we aren’t cautious & continuously guarding our hearts against them, it can lead to putting us out of Sync with the Lord. We wont hear/receive what He is saying to us because our hearts will be crowded out.

4) He Cares..but not always on our terms….!!

Yes He cares for us and every detail of our lives matter to Him..Yet we aren’t always in Sync with the Lord in the things we consider ‘pressing’!

Jesus deeply cares for His people more than we even realise, However His thoughts are far higher than our thoughts and His ways far higher than our ways. Because we are getting emotional doesn’t mean He will jump on the emotional bandwagon with us.

Your imminent sack from work might be your pressing issue of the moment, But His primary focus might just be about the lack in His kingdom and the role He has appointed for you to play in it. Just ask Hannah..when she had cried endlessly because of penninah..Yet the Lord wasn’t weeping with Her.

5) His Metrics & Societal Metrics are almost always divergent!!

Sometimes what we regard as so great an obstacle is nought but a speck before Him. Consequently what we regard as ‘irrelevant’ in our eyes would be of utmost importance to Him.

Sometimes the metrics we use to define success are meaningless before Him, and Where you think you have failed He applauds you. And consequently where the world may be celebrating you, He may be looking at you thinking..you have done nothing worthy..

Christ is awesome!! In Him we have more than a friend, we have a Bridegroom being prepared.

May the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives prepare us in time and make us perfect for the wedding supper of the Lamb.

What are your experiences or non-experiences with Christ this year?

2019 offers us all a new opportunity for a deeper and more intimate walk with Him.

Just remember..whatever plans and resolutions you are making for 2019, know this nothing else counts for eternity save the Knowing the Lord intimately, walking with Him and doing the appointed thing He sent us to do.

Grace to us all.

Shallom